Monday, 10-27-14

 In WOD, Words

Strength : Deadlift

5×5

WOD: 7min AMRAP

3x Deadlifts #275/185
30x Double Unders
Rest 1 min
2 min ME Box Jump

 

How Much Does Guilt Weigh?

We are women. We are strong. We do CrossFit. We are mothers. We feel guilty. Mommy guilt is something that comes with the territory. You become a mother; you inherit all types of guilt. As a woman, I discovered CrossFit and it changed my life. I found this strong woman who was capable of anything. I can move weight and complete workouts that I never thought possible. So, why is it that two small children can bring me to my knees? How do we learn to balance our lives, jobs, goals, and families?

I started CrossFit as a workout program. It was going to be something I did a couple of days a week while the kids were otherwise occupied. At the time, I worked full time and my children were 18 months old and 4 years old. I was busy. After the first month, I was hooked and was trying to figure out when I could get to the gym as much as possible and how it was all going to work. I have a supportive husband, who is great with the kids, but that is not where the guilt came from. It came from within. I was choosing my own wants, needs, and goals. Guilt.  So the question becomes, how do we balance it? Fast forward three years, and I have a different job that allows me to workout during the day while my kids are at school, and I am also a trainer. But the guilt is still there. There are times when they have to come with me. I drag them to the gym, plug them into an iPad for a bit, and do some work. I feel guilty. The kids don’t complain, and have since started CrossFit kids, but I still feel guilty. Where does our guilt end and being a good example begin?

What I have learned about my boys is this: I AM being a good example. I’m raising boys. I have watched my boys watch me in the box. I have observed them marvel at the weight I’m picking up. I have watched them laugh as I lay on the floor trying desperately to catch my breath. I have watched them watch me. I have realized what they see is that I am a woman, and I am strong. They see a woman who is capable of doing almost anything, and who is not afraid to push herself. What I am hoping this transfers to is that when the time comes (a LONG time from now) they will find a woman who is strong, who stands up for herself, and who pushes herself to reach her goals.

I’m also hoping that I am teaching my boys to push themselves for their own goals. We talk about a lot of things during our time together. We talk about our days, our friends, and our goals. I encourage them to find something they are working toward, and I explain to them what I am working toward. I show them it’s not about living your life day to day, but to push yourself beyond what is comfortable to reach something you want. They see me in the gym working hard. They know I’m trying to accomplish heavier weights, and faster WODs. I talk to them about how I did it when it happens, and I talk to them about what I need to work on when it doesn’t. I want them to accomplish their own goals, be it physical or otherwise. I want them to be strong. While my experience only comes from raising boys, what a wonderful thing it would be to teach our children about strength instead of size, to teach our daughters to open their own pickle jars instead of needing a boy to do the strong stuff for them, to teach our children to find a goal for themselves instead of doing only for others. One thing I learned a long time ago is the best way to lead is by example. I know that my boys will live their lives in a way that emulates their parents. They will like things that we like, and do things that we do. Not only do I want them to have an active lifestyle, I want them to have goals, and I want them to be independent.

As a mother, I will find plenty of things to be guilty about. I could make a list a mile long about the things I feel guilty about. One of them does not need to be taking care of myself. My family is taken care of. I am there for  them every day. While I make a lot of mistakes along the way, I hope at the very least I am creating a model of what a strong woman looks like, and a model of what strong living looks like.  As they grow, I will watch them become independent and confident. For now, we will just focus on being a fit family.

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